How to live an intentional life by Shifan Hu-Couble
Counsellor & Psychotherapist
How to live an intentional life b
y Shifan Hu-Couble
Are you living your best life? Counsellor & Psychotherapist Shifan Hu-Couble takes you through some practical steps to live an intentional life.
What is intentional living?
As you are reading this article, I would like you to write down everything you have done since you woke up this morning.
Now, look at the list in front of you and ask yourself:
How many decisions you have already made?
How are they made?
How value-aligned are these decisions?
If most decisions on the list are aligned with your values and made with intent, you are probably already leading an intentional life. On the contrary, if your decisions are driven by habits and you feel you are auto-piloting throughout the day, you might use this article as a guide to cultivate some intentionality in your life for a better sense of well-being.
An intentional life demands us to live with our values, awareness, and actions. This requires us to first define our value system: understand what is important to us. For example, if you are someone who values family, you will decide to quit your job confidently when your work disallows you to spend more time with your family. Secondly, to live intentionally is to live with an elevated level of self-awareness. For example, if you snap at your daughter last night because you were drained after work, you might set aside time the next day to repair the relational rupture, instead of moving on from the incident since everything seems to be “normal” again. Lastly, take action immediately. For example, instead of ordering the same lunch today, ask yourself: why am I ordering the same lunch as yesterday? Is my decision made from my liking of the food or a mere habit? Or the familiarity of my comfort zone?
Why intentional living?
Living intentionally might sound exhausting but it is worthwhile. Here is a list of psychological benefits of living intentionally:
You are more resilient, resourceful, and courageous in the face of life adversity. Friedrich Niezsche wrote: “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” This is the power of meaning and purpose. We love movies where the protagonists overcome challenges, trudge through the dark tunnel, and reach the light. We admire their grit, not knowing that the same grit resides in us waiting to be ignited by a sense of meaning and purpose. When we live with intent, we aim at our north star, and we recruit our grit to rise above the challenge.
You make decisions effectively and confidently. As you are living by your values, you do not spend unnecessary time and energy deliberating every decision in life. You can set boundaries firmly knowing what is important to you. You have less internal conflict as you are guided by your core principles of life.
You have a strong sense of agency and control which is an innate human need. The lack of it often contributes to mental distress and illnesses.
You enjoy tremendous psychological benefits: joy, peace, contentment, and fulfilment. You experience a sense of well-being which allows you to explore unknown territories, expand your learning, and enrich your life experience.
How to start living intentionally?
1. Define your values.
Since intentionally living is living according to your values, the first task is to define your values. We are not taught in school to reflect on our values. In my clinical experience, it is often the first time during a counselling session a client would seriously consider such a query. Firstly, list down things that are important to you; secondly, expand and further define the underlying value of each item on the list; lastly, rank your values. For example, money is important to me because it allows me to work less so I can spend more time travelling around the world. Travel is important to me because it allows me to experience different cultures. The value you eventually would identify is an enriching life experience, not money per se. Once you have identified three core values, you can proceed to rank them.
2. Examine your life choices.
Socrates cautioned us: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” To start live intentionally is to start asking the whys.
Why are your friends, your friends?
Why did you buy [insert your latest purchase]?
Why did you choose your career/job?
Why are you with your partner?
Why are you working late?
The list goes on. It will feel exhausting at first. However, as you glean answers from these questions, you will gain clarity in your life choices and examine the effectiveness of these decisions.
3. Start small.
You don’t have to figure everything out to live intentionally. We do not need a perfect plan. We can start immediately. For example, as you finish a call with a customer service officer, you can choose to provide some positive feedback to his manager if he has done a good job and not take it for granted because you value recognition.
4. Work with a psychologist, counsellor, or psychotherapist.
As humans, we are all flawed with our prejudices, biases, blind spots, and trauma experience. Therefore, we can benefit from working with a psychologist, counsellor, or psychotherapist to gain the much-needed insight required for intentional living. Your therapist would work with your resistance to change and facilitate the process of defining your values and your meaning and purpose in life.
Why not start this journey by booking in a session with me so that we can help you align your life to be more intentional.