Valentine's Day is More Than Just a Day for Lovers
by Anne Ueberbach
Assistant Director & Counsellor
Valentine's Day is More Than Just a Day for Lovers
As the 14th of February approaches, stores are filled with heart-shaped balloons, red roses, and sentimental greeting cards. Valentine's Day is often regarded as a day reserved exclusively for romantic couples. However, this holiday has a rich history, and its significance extends far beyond the realm of romantic love.
In this blog post, we'll delve into the origin and psychology behind Valentine's Day, exploring the benefits of celebrating love and relationships, and the ways in which this holiday can be inclusive of all forms of love and connection.
The Origins of Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day has its roots in ancient Roman and Christian traditions. According to legend, Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage for young men, believing that single men made better soldiers. Saint Valentine, a Christian priest, defied the emperor's decree and continued to perform secret marriages. When Emperor Claudius II discovered this, he had Valentine arrested and executed on February 14th.
During his imprisonment, Saint Valentine is said to have healed the daughter of his jailer and, before his execution, written a letter to her signing it "From your Valentine." This letter became the inspiration for the modern-day Valentine's Day card.
The Pressure of Valentine’s Day on Your Mental Health
The pressure to create a perfect Valentine's Day stems from a combination of societal expectations, media portrayals, and psychological factors. The cultural narrative surrounding Valentine's Day perpetuates the idea that this one day must be exceptional, romantic, and memorable. This can trigger feelings of anxiety and obligation, particularly among those in romantic relationships.
From a psychological perspective, the desire for a perfect Valentine's Day may be driven by the need for social validation, fear of missing out (FOMO), and the pursuit of idealized love. Moreover, the emphasis on grand gestures and material expressions of love can activate the brain's reward system, releasing dopamine and creating a sense of anticipation and expectation. As a result, individuals may feel compelled to create an unforgettable Valentine's Day experience, even if it means going beyond their means or compromising their personal preferences.
The Mental Health Benefits of Celebrating Love and Connections
Valentine's Day celebrates the complexities and joys of relationships. From a psychological perspective, love and relationships play a vital role in our emotional and mental well-being.
Attachment Theory: According to attachment theory, our early relationships with caregivers shape our attachment styles and influence our relationships throughout life. Valentine's Day can be an opportunity to reflect on our attachment styles and nurture healthy relationships.
Social Support: Social support from loved ones is crucial for our mental health and resilience. Celebrating Valentine's Day with friends, family, or a romantic partner can strengthen social bonds and provide a sense of belonging
Oxytocin and Dopamine: Often referred to as the "love hormone," oxytocin is released during social bonding activities, including physical touch and intimacy. Dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, is also involved in romantic love. Valentine's Day can be a time to indulge in activities that stimulate these neurotransmitters, promoting feelings of pleasure and connection.
Beyond Romantic Love
While Valentine's Day is often associated with romantic love, it can also be a time to acknowledge and celebrate other forms of connection, including:
Friendship: Close friendships are essential for our emotional well-being and can provide a sense of belonging and support. Consider celebrating “Galentine's Day” to Celebrate female friendships and the importance of women's relationships in your life, or “Palentine's Day” acknowledge the value of platonic relationships, including friendships and familial bonds.
Family: Valentine's Day can be an opportunity to show appreciation for family members, who often provide unconditional love and support. And yes, that includes pets, too!
Self-Love: Practicing self-love and self-care is essential for our mental health and well-being. Valentine's Day can be a time to focus on self-love, engaging in activities that promote relaxation and self-compassion. “Self-Love Day” focused on self-care and self-love, engaging in activities that promote relaxation and self-compassion.
How to best celebrate Valentine’s Day?
The beauty of Valentine’s Day is that you can celebrate it however you like. Whether you celebrate it big with loved ones, go on a romantic date with chocolates and flowers, or just simply hang out with your dog as a form of self-love, anything goes!
Nowadays, Valentine’s Day is an extremely commercialised unofficial holiday, with marketing campaigns trying to convince you to recreate a “perfect date”. But even without paying twice as much for roses, or splurging on fancy chocolates, you can still share and feel the love in small, less expensive and less time consuming ways.
Consider calling your parents to tell them how much you love them, spend an hour of quality time with your partner, treat yourself to a massage or anything else you’d do for self-care and self-love (or simply do nothing!), or bake heart shaped cookies with your children. The beauty of this day is that the options are endless as love can be shared in so many ways.
Conclusion
Valentine's Day is more than just a day for romantic couples. It's a celebration of love, connection, and relationships in all their forms. By acknowledging the importance of all relationships (platonic, familial and romantic) and the importance of social support, we can make this holiday more inclusive and meaningful.
Make sure you use this day in a whatever way that suits you, without external pressures!
About the author
Anne is a a compassionate and experienced counsellor at The Counselling Place Singapore, who empowers her clients to thrive amidst life's challenges. Her expertise across Singapore and Australia spans mental health, career coaching, and multicultural dynamics, informed by her own expat experience and diverse family background.
Anne creates a warm and non-judgmental space for growth and transformation. Her empathetic approach supports individuals, families, and expats navigating life's challenges and transitions