What Are Emotional Childhood Wounds and How do They Affect Us in Adulthood? by Kim Bartholdi
by Kim Bartholdi
Clinical Psychologist
What are emotional childhood wounds and how do they affect us in adulthood?
Do you know your childhood experiences and trauma could impact us in adulthood. Psychologist Kim Bartholdi discusses common emotional childhood wound that can affect you in your healthy functioning as an adult.
Psychologists call “childhood wounds" to refer to emotional and psychological damages that occur during a person's early years. These wounds can stem from various traumatic experiences, such as neglect, abuse, or lack of emotional support.
As you can imagine, difficult experiences that cause childhood wounds can shape the way people feel about themselves and the world around them. This means that these experiences can significantly impact an individual's mental health and behaviour in adulthood.
There are five common types of emotional childhood wounds that will be explained in this article in detail.
What are the Common Emotional Childhood Wounds?
Below you can see the emotional childhood wounds and where they usually stem from:
Abandonment: Feelings of being left alone or unsupported, which can lead to issues with trust and dependency in relationships.
Rejection: Experiences of feeling unwanted, like a burden or dismissed, often resulting in low self-esteem and fear of rejection.
Betrayal: Situations where trust is broken, leading to difficulties in trusting others and forming healthy relationships.
Injustice: Situations where a child feels consistently overlooked, mistreated, or unfairly treated by caregivers, peers, or authority figures.
Humiliation: Repeated instances of being shamed, ridiculed, or belittled by caregivers, peers, or authority figures.
What is their Impact on Adulthood?
Although these wounds stem in early formative years, they shape the way we see the world around us. Keep reading to find out what their impact in adulthood can look like.
1. Abandonment Wounds
Abandonment wounds refer to the emotional and psychological pain that arises from experiences of being abandoned or feeling abandoned, physically or emotionally. These wounds can stem from situations, such as a parent leaving during childhood, a significant other ending a relationship, or even feeling neglected or unsupported by friends or family. The impact of abandonment wounds can be profound and long-lasting, often affecting an individual's self-esteem, trust in others, and ability to form healthy relationships due to developing insecure attachment styles.
People often think of divorced parents when they hear the term “abandonment wound” and while it is very possible to develop an abandonment wound due to having parents who divorced, it is important to highlight that not every person who grew up in a household of divorced parents develops abandonment wounds.
People with abandonment wounds might experience feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and fear of being alone. They may also exhibit behaviours that can be interpreted as clinginess. They might have difficulty trusting others, or pushing people away to avoid potential hurt. The impact that abandonment wounds have in adulthood is mainly in the interpersonal relationships of the person.
2. Rejection Wounds
Rejection wounds refer to the emotional pain that individuals experience when they feel rejected or excluded by others. This type of wound can stem from various situations, such as being bullied, experiencing a breakup, or feeling left out in social settings. The impact of rejection wounds can be profound, impacting negatively one's self-esteem, sense of belonging, and overall mental health.
People with rejection wounds might exhibit heightened sensitivity to criticism, fear of abandonment, and a tendency to avoid situations where they might face rejection. These wounds can lead to patterns of behaviour aimed at protecting oneself from further hurt, such as withdrawing from social interactions or becoming overly accommodating to others as well as avoiding going for opportunities due to a fear of being turned down.
3. Betrayal Wounds
Betrayal wounds occur when someone experiences a significant breach of trust, often by someone close to them, such as a family member, friend, or partner. These wounds can have profound and lasting effects on an individual's mental health and relationships, especially if they occur during formative years.
In adulthood, the consequences of betrayal wounds can manifest in various ways such as trust issues, emotional distress, self-esteem problems, attachment issues, difficulty with forgiveness and mental health difficulties.
4. Injustice Wounds
The emotional childhood wound of injustice refers to a deep-seated feeling of unfairness or imbalance in one's early experiences. This can manifest as a sense of being treated unfairly, not receiving deserved recognition or validation, or being subjected to unjust treatment by caregivers, peers, or authority figures during childhood.
Individuals who carry this wound may struggle with feelings of resentment, anger, or a strong desire for justice and fairness in their adult relationships and interactions. Healing from the emotional childhood wound of injustice often involves acknowledging and processing these feelings, seeking therapy (counselling or psychotherapy) or support to work through past experiences, and developing healthy coping mechanisms to navigate present challenges.
5. Humiliation Wounds
The emotional childhood wound of humiliation involves experiences where a person feels deeply embarrassed, degraded, or shamed during their formative years. This can occur through various means, such as being publicly ridiculed, belittled, or humiliated by caregivers, peers, or authority figures. Humiliation can also result from being compared unfavourably to others, being subjected to harsh criticism, or being made to feel inadequate or unworthy in various social or familial contexts.
In adulthood, individuals who carry this wound may struggle with feelings of low self-esteem, self-doubt, and a fear of being judged or criticized in their adult lives. It can also deeply impact a person’s self-image. Healing from the wound of humiliation often involves addressing and processing these feelings, building self-compassion and self-acceptance, and working through any lingering shame or negative self-perceptions with the help of counselling / psychotherapy or support from trusted individuals.
So, what can we do about them?
As you can see, emotional childhood wounds are deep-seated emotional traumas that individuals experience during their formative years, typically before the age of 18. These wounds can manifest in various forms, such as feelings of abandonment, neglect, injustice, or humiliation. These experiences can have a lasting impact on a person's sense of self-worth, trust, and ultimately impact their interpersonal relationships.
Healing from emotional childhood wounds involves acknowledging and processing these feelings, seeking counselling / psychotherapy or support to work through past experiences, and developing healthy coping mechanisms to navigate present challenges. Addressing these wounds is crucial for personal growth and emotional well-being, as unresolved childhood wounds can impact one's mental health and relationships in adulthood. Seeking professional help and support from trusted individuals can aid in the healing process.
If you or someone you know is struggling with any of these emotional childhood wounds, seeking support from a mental health professional (like a counsellor, psychologist or psychotherapist) can be a crucial step towards healing and building more secure relationships.
Healing from emotional childhood wounds often involves exploring your background history to identify when and how the wounds originated, building self-awareness and developing healthy coping mechanisms. It's important to recognize that experiencing these wounds is a common part of life, and learning to navigate these feelings can lead to personal growth and resilience.