Helping a Loved one with Eating Disorder
by Anne Ueberbach
Assistant Director / Counsellor
Seeing our friend or family member going through their struggle with eating disorder is not easy. Many of us feel helpless and lost in terms of how we can be of support and help to them. Find out some do's, don'ts, and preventive tips for eating disorder.
What are Eating Disorders?
Eating disorders encompass a range of mental health conditions that profoundly impact an individual's relationship with food, body image, and overall well-being. These disorders extend beyond dietary choices, delving into intricate emotional and psychological realms. Anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge-eating disorder, and other related conditions challenge individuals to navigate a balance between societal expectations, personal identity, and mental health.
Eating disorders have been traditionally viewed as Western culture-bound syndromes affecting primarily females, however modern studies suggest a global increase in the prevalence of Eating Disorders, with the rise in prevalence in non-Western cultures such as Singapore, coinciding with increased urbanisation and globalisation.
In Singapore, studies identified an increased level of dissatisfaction with weight (43%) and dieting (57%) amongst Singaporean adults.
How NOT to Support your Loved Ones:
Don't take any action alone. Get help.
Don't try to solve the problem for them. Professional help is required.
Don't blame them for doing something wrong or tell them they are acting silly.
Don't gossip about them.
Don't focus on weight, the number of calories being consumed, or particular eating habits.
Don't make comments about their appearance. Concern about weight loss may be interpreted as a compliment, and comments about weight gain may be seen as criticism.
Don't be afraid to upset them.
Don't reject or ignore them.
Don't get involved in a power struggle around eating or other symptoms.
Don't be deceived by their excuses (e.g. just going through a stressful/tough phase)
How TO Support your Loved Ones:
1. Educate Yourself
Understanding the intricacies of eating disorders is the first step toward providing meaningful support. Familiarize yourself with different types of eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge-eating disorder. Knowledge is power and equips you to navigate conversations with empathy and understanding.
Plenty of information can be found through books, journal articles and the internet, however if you want in-depth support on understanding eating disorders and how to best support your loved one, consider reaching out to a professional therapist / counsellor / psychologist for more information.
2. Recognizing Signs and Symptoms
Be vigilant in recognizing signs and symptoms. Changes in eating habits, weight fluctuations, excessive exercising, and preoccupation with body image are common indicators. Awareness enables you to address the issue delicately and express your concerns with care. You may also want to be mindful of your loved one hiding or masking their signs and symptoms to appear like they are having a healthy eating routine.
Common signs of Anorexia Nervosa:
-Restricting or avoiding food intake.
-Significant rapid weight loss without medical cause.
-Obsession with achieving/maintaining an abnormally low body weight/BMI.
-Compulsive behaviours such as counting calories, weighing self, following strict dietary rules, excessive exercise, etc.
-Distorted body image.
-Changes in menstrual patterns.
Common signs of Bulimia Nervosa:
-Binge-eating episodes followed by self-induced vomiting and a persistent desire to undo the effects of binge eating.
-Physical signs indicating frequent vomiting (swollen/sore cheeks/jaw, deteriorating oral health, gastrointestinal problems, dehydration)
-Frequent weight fluctuations.
Common signs of Binge Eating:
-Consuming large amounts of food in a short period characterized by lack of control.
-Eating past fulness, despite physical uncomfortableness, or eating without being hungry.
-Frequent dieting without weight loss.
-Secretive behaviours (such as eating in secret or hiding evidence of binge eating).
3. Choose the Right Time and Place
Initiate conversations about the eating disorder in a private and comfortable setting. Choose a time when both of you can talk without interruptions, allowing for open and honest communication.
4. Express Concerns with Empathy
When expressing your concerns, choose your words carefully. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory, and express your observations with empathy. Let your loved one know that your primary concern is their well-being, not judgment.
5. Listen Actively
Create a space for your loved one to share their feelings. Active listening involves being fully present, without judgment, and allowing them to express their thoughts and emotions without interruption. Validate their feelings and let them know you're there for support.
6. Suggest Therapy and Counseling
Encourage your loved one to seek professional help. A trained psychologist, counselor or psychotherapist specializing in eating disorders can provide the necessary support and guidance. Offer to assist in finding a suitable professional or accompany them to the first appointment if they feel comfortable. Ensure you follow through with your promise / commitment to support them on this journey.
7. Promote Positive Body Image
Foster a positive environment by promoting a healthy and realistic body image. Encourage self-love and acceptance, emphasizing that beauty comes in various shapes and sizes. Reinforce the idea that self-worth is not solely determined by appearance.
9. Participate in / Support their Treatment Plan
Support your loved one in developing healthy eating habits by participating in their professionally developed treatment plan however much possible and desired by them. This may include promoting a healthy body image at home, assisting with meal planning, validating their experiences and struggles, and encouraging them to use their healthy coping strategies.
10. Celebrate Progress
Acknowledge and celebrate progress, no matter how small. Celebrating achievements, whether they involve improved eating habits or positive shifts in mindset, reinforces the idea that recovery is an ongoing process with continuous growth. Do not expect your loved one to overcome an eating disorder in just a couple of therapy sessions or in a few days/weeks, even with professional support recovery may take months or even years and change/progress is not always a linear line either.
11. Seek Support for Yourself
Supporting someone with an eating disorder can be emotionally taxing. It's crucial to prioritize your own mental health. Seek support from friends, family, or a professional psychologist/counsellor/psychotherapist.
Prevention Tips for Parents
Do:
Examine your own beliefs and feelings about body image and weight and consider how these might be communicated to your children in your attitudes, comments, or nonverbal responses.
Encourage healthy eating and exercise.
Allow your child to determine when he/she is full.
Talk about different body types and how they can all be accepted and appreciated.
Discuss the dangers of dieting.
Show your children you love them for who they are inside, not because of how they look.
Don't:
Don't label foods as "good" or "bad."
Don't use food as a reward or punishment.
Don't diet or encourage your child to diet.
Don't comment on weight or body types: yours, your child's, or anyone else's.
Don't let anyone ridicule, blame, or tease your child. but it can be done.
