by Lim Swee Chen
Counsellor / Parenting Coach

The Illusion of Universal Advice: A Therapist’s Perspective

Recently, a close friend texted me out of the blue with a question that gave me pause. They asked, "What’s the best advice you've given to your clients?" or more broadly, "Do you have a piece of universal advice that could benefit everyone?"

As a therapist, this question highlighted a key distinction between common expectations and what therapy actually provides. The truth is, I don’t believe there’s one piece of advice that applies universally. In fact, one of the core principles of therapy is that I don’t give advice. It’s a common misconception that therapists sit on a pedestal, dispensing life-changing wisdom to clients. In reality, therapy is not about providing solutions but about empowering clients to find their own.

The Role of the Therapist

When people seek therapy / counselling, they often look for guidance during a challenging time. The expectation might be that a therapist (counsellor, psychologist, or psychotherapist) has all the answers. However, therapy isn’t about imposing my solutions or dictating what clients should do. My role is to support you as you explore your emotions, thoughts, and behaviours. It’s a collaborative process where I offer insight, encouragement, and ask questions that can help lead you to your own conclusions.

It’s tempting to believe in universal truths or quick fixes for life’s problems, but life doesn’t work that way. Everyone’s journey is unique, shaped by their individual experiences, relationships, and circumstances. There isn’t one-size-fits-all advice that can resolve the range of challenges people face.

Consider the platitudes we hear often, such as “find your purpose,” “be positive,” or “just be real.” These phrases sound helpful on the surface, but what do they mean in practice? What does “finding your purpose” entail for someone feeling lost? How can someone struggling with depression simply “be positive”?

Such well-meaning phrases can feel hollow, leaving you wondering, “What am I supposed to do?” This is where therapy can be impactful, helping you uncover and define what these concepts mean in your own life, based on self-discovery rather than universal advice.

Being Present with Your Emotions

While I don’t offer universal advice, I often focus on helping clients be present with their emotions and thoughts. This process allows individuals to observe their inner world without judgement, learning to accept whatever arises. This is often the first step in working through difficult emotions and situations.

Many people struggle to face their emotions directly. Our instinct is often to avoid pain or discomfort, whether through distraction, denial, or numbing behaviours. In therapy, however, we learn to do the opposite: to sit with our emotions, recognise them, and understand what they’re telling us. This can be liberating, as it helps you gain clarity and insight into yourself.

Mindfulness is often central to this process. By learning to be present, clients can tune into their thoughts and feelings in the moment, rather than getting lost in the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness encourages staying in the here and now, helping us respond to emotions in a healthier way. This isn’t about eliminating discomfort but learning how to live alongside it without being overwhelmed.

Increasing Emotional Awareness

An essential part of being present with your emotions is developing emotional awareness. In a previous article, I discussed ways to increase emotional awareness and why it is crucial for mental and emotional well-being. Emotional awareness is the ability to recognise and understand your own emotions and those of others. This skill is vital for managing emotional reactions and making informed decisions.

If you’re interested in learning more about increasing emotional awareness and its impact on your life, you can read my article here. Building this awareness allows you to respond to emotions with greater clarity, paving the way for personal growth and healing.

The Power of Self-Compassion

Another key aspect of therapy is developing self-compassion. We are often our own harshest critics, especially when struggling with difficult emotions. Thoughts like “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “I’m overreacting” can add layers of guilt or shame to an already challenging experience.

In therapy, we work on shifting that internal dialogue. Instead of criticising yourself for feeling a certain way, we focus on validating your emotions. There’s no right or wrong way to feel. What you’re experiencing is valid because it’s real to you, and part of healing is learning to treat yourself with kindness, even in your most vulnerable moments.

Self-compassion can be transformative for those who have spent years berating themselves for perceived flaws or failures. By extending the same kindness and understanding to yourself that you would to a loved one, you create a more supportive inner environment where healing can occur.

Creating Space for Growth

Ultimately, therapy is about creating space—space to explore, grow, and transform. Rather than focusing on rigid solutions or advice, therapy offers a fluid and adaptive environment where clients can experiment with different ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. Growth doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t come from following a set of rules or applying generic advice. It comes from engaging with your unique process and discovering what works for you.

So, when my friend asked me about the best advice I’ve given to my clients, my response was this: I don’t have a single piece of advice that works for everyone. Instead, I strive to create a space where people can feel safe to explore their emotions, thoughts, and experiences. And in doing so, they find their own path to healing and growth.

Conclusion: Your Journey, Your Decisions

As a counsellor and parenting coach, my role isn’t to tell you what to do. It’s to walk alongside you as you figure out what’s best for yourself. Therapy isn’t about handing out advice but about supporting you as you navigate life’s challenges. It’s about helping you find your own way—one that aligns with your values, needs, and experiences.

So, the next time you find yourself searching for a universal answer, remember that there may not be one. But that doesn’t mean you’re lost. In therapy, you have the opportunity to discover what works for you, and that’s where true empowerment lies. Schedule a session with me at The Counselling Place and take the next step towards self-discovery.