By Ho Shee Wai

Director/Registered Psychologist

A notable statistic is that for every suicide, it’s estimated that at least 6 people are profoundly affected by the loss, including family members, friends, and colleagues. This translates to millions of individuals worldwide experiencing significant emotional distress, grief, and trauma as a result of a loved one’s suicide. This highlights the far-reaching impact of suicide on communities and emphasizes the need for support systems for those left behind.

Aftermath of a suicide

The aftermath of a suicide is often devastating, not only for the individual who has passed but also for those they leave behind. Support for loved ones of suicide is vital for several reasons:

Complex Emotions:

Those affected by a suicide often grapple with a mix of intense emotions—guilt, anger, confusion, and profound sadness. Understanding these feelings and providing a supportive environment can help them process their grief in a healthier way.

Impact on Mental Health:

The emotional toll of losing someone to suicide can lead to long-term mental health challenges, including depression and anxiety. By offering support and encouraging counselling for grief, loved ones can better navigate these challenges, reducing the risk of complicated grief reactions and potential mental health crises.

Isolation and Loneliness:

Survivors of suicide loss may feel isolated and misunderstood. This loneliness can exacerbate their pain, making it crucial to create a supportive network. Encouraging open dialogue and connection can foster a sense of community, allowing them to share their experiences and feel less alone.

Promoting Healing:

Providing support not only helps loved ones cope but also promotes healing. By addressing their grief, they can begin to find meaning in their loss, which is an essential step toward recovery. Counseling for grief with a Psychologist, Counsellor, or Psychotherapist can play a significant role in this healing process, offering tools and strategies to manage their feelings.

Breaking the Stigma:

Discussing suicide openly can help break the stigma surrounding it, encouraging others to seek help and support. This openness can lead to a greater understanding of mental health issues, paving the way for more effective support systems.

Legacy of Love:

Supporting those left behind honors the memory of the individual who died by suicide. It reminds survivors that their loved one mattered and that their struggles should be acknowledged and addressed.

Understanding the Impact of Suicide

Emotional Aftermath

Common Feelings that survivor of death by suicide are complex:

Guilt:

Survivors may feel responsible, questioning what they could have done differently.

Anger:

They may direct anger at the deceased for leaving them or at themselves for not recognizing signs.

Confusion:

Many struggle to understand why the suicide occurred, which can lead to existential questioning.

Sadness:

Deep sorrow is a natural response, as survivors mourn not just the loss but the future they envisioned with their loved one.

Physical Reactions

Survivor of death by suicide may be experiencing physical symptoms caused by grief:

Fatigue:

Emotional exhaustion can lead to physical tiredness.

Sleep Disturbances:

Many experience insomnia or changes in sleep patterns.

Appetite Changes:

Survivors may either lose their appetite or find comfort in overeating.

Chronic Pain:

Some might experience unexplained aches and pains linked to their emotional distress.

Long-Term Effects

There might be long term psychological impacts of grief, such as:

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD):

Some may develop PTSD symptoms, including flashbacks or severe anxiety.

Complicated Grief:

This can manifest as prolonged mourning that disrupts daily life, requiring professional counselling intervention with a psychologist, counsellor or psychotherapist.

Increased Risk of Depression and Anxiety:

Survivors might be at a higher risk for developing these conditions, necessitating ongoing support.

Signs that Loved One Needs Support

Behavioral Changes

Withdrawal from Activities:

Survivors may isolate themselves from social engagements or hobbies they once enjoyed.

Changes in Work Performance:

Noticeable declines in productivity or focus can indicate emotional distress.

Irritability or Mood Swings:

Fluctuating emotions might manifest as irritability, causing strain in relationships.

Emotional Indicators

Expressions of Hopelessness:

Phrases indicating a lack of hope for the future can be red flags.

Deep Sadness:

Persistent sadness that affects daily functioning suggests the need for intervention.

Anxiety:

Increased anxiety about the future or panic attacks may signal overwhelming grief.

Seeking Professional Counselling Help

Recognizing the Signs:

It is important to identify when to encourage professional counselling help with a Psychologist, Counsellor or Psychotherapist, such as:

• Persistent emotional distress lasting for weeks or months.

• Any talk of self-harm or suicidal thoughts.

• Inability to cope with daily responsibilities due to grief.

How to Offer Support to Survivor of Death by Suicide

Active Listening

Being Present:

Practice active listening by:

• Avoiding distractions (e.g., putting away phones).

• Maintaining eye contact and nodding to show understanding.

Responding Appropriately:

Use empathetic phrases like “That sounds really difficult” to validate feelings.

Encouraging Expression

Creating Safe Spaces:

Try to foster a supportive environment, such as:

• Setting aside regular times to talk without interruptions.

• Using creative outlets like art or writing to help them express feelings.

Normalizing Grief:

It’s okay to cry and feel upset; emotional expression is a vital part of healing.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls

What Not to Say:

Some phrases to avoid:

• “Everything happens for a reason.”

• “You need to move on.”

• “He/she wouldn’t want you to be sad.”

Focus on Validation:

It is import to acknowledge the survivor’s feelings without trying to "fix" them.

Seeking Professional Counselling Help

Encourage survivor to utilize professional counseling services:

Individual Therapy:

One-on-one sessions focusing on personal grief experiences.

Family Therapy:

Sessions involving family members to address collective grief and communication.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT):

Techniques that help reframe negative thoughts related to grief.

Self-Care for Supporters

Recognizing Your Own Grief

Shared Grief:

You as supporters may also experience a sense of loss and may need to process your own emotions.

Self-Reflection:

Journaling or talking to a trusted friend to explore your own feelings.

Coping Strategies

Some practical tips for self-care:

Physical Activity:

Regular exercise is helpful to boost mood and energy levels.

Mindfulness and Meditation:

are ways to help promote relaxation and reduce anxiety.

Healthy Routines:

It is important to maintain regular meals, sleep, and social interactions.

Finding Support Networks

Connecting with Others:

Join support groups for those who have lost someone to suicide.

Online Forums:

Online communities where individuals can express their grief and receive support.

Conclusion

It is important to remember that there are emotional support and the resources available for both the survivors and you as the supporters.You are not alone in your journey and seeking help is a sign of strength. Do book in a session with our team of psychologist, counsellor, of psychotherapist at The Counselling Place Singapore, either as a supporter or for the survivors.

Additional Resources

Recommended Reading

"No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving The Suicide Of A Loved One" by Carla Fine.

Hotline

Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) 1800 221 4444